girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
