i was born a porn star she said
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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