fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
