Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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