if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
