I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
