Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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