It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
