You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
