she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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