she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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