Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
