Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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