I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
