i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
