And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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