i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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