Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
