I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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