Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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