this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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