I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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