it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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