Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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