My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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