So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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