I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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