Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
