i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
