He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
