My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
