He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
