At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
