why didn't you poke me back
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard