Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.