i don't like sucking hair
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
23 People Confess The Lamest Things They’ve Ever Done To Fit In
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
These 27 Texts Prove Pets Make Better BFFs Than Humans
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd