Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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