Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Everything about him screamed your future.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
