Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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