just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
