Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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