I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
