Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
