the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Randomize
