This girl is more easily done than said...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
