when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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