Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
