i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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