Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
