i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Come back. Shots need mouths.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
