His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
