I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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