In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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