Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
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its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
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I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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