You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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