...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
