I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Girls should come with a carfax report
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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