i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
