Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
