I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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