Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
