It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.