yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila