I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
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You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
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You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
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