I'm going to jail i love you
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So vagazzling was a success
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
