what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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