can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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