'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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