Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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