yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
